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  • Re: Jokes

    There was an older man that was married to a much younger woman, and he was having trouble lasting long enough in bed. So, he went to the doctor and was told he should please himself before having sex and he would last longer.

    One day as 5 o'clock rolls around, he gets a call from his wife who says she's very horny. On his way home, he remembers what the doctor said and decides to relieve himself before he gets home.

    He thinks, "Well, I can't do it in the car, but if I get under it I can pretend I'm fixing my car." So he gets under the car, closes his eyes, and starts pleasuring himself. A few minutes later, there's a tug at his pants leg. In order to keep the image of his beautiful wife, he doesn't open his eyes, but just hollers, "Yeah?"

    A voice says, "I'm Officer Brown. What are you doing down there?"

    The man responds, "Well, officer, I'm checking my axle; I think it's come loose."

    The officer says, "Well, mister, while you're down there, you might wanna check your brakes; your car's 2 blocks down the road!
    One of the rare hunters around who actually earned all these rewards listed there...

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    • Re: Jokes

      Originally posted by Masterchat View Post
      What do you call a black pilot?
      --A pilot, you racist!


      What's the goal of Jewish Football?
      --To get the quarter back!
      That second one is old, but I always get a chuckle out of it.

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      • Re: Jokes

        I'm glad The Winter Olympics are over.

        The Russian section of Redtube hasn't been updated for two weeks.
        Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug.

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        • Re: Jokes

          An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
          "I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
          The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."
          "That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
          "Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."


          BFF with SHOWTIME!

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          • Re: Jokes

            Two hookers were on a street corner.
            They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, "Yep, it's gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air".
            The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."
            Will do my best =)

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            • Re: Jokes

              Chuck Norris uses a shark cage when swimming in certain waters. The sharks feel safer inside it while he's exploring the sea-bottom. not best but i like chuck norris jokes

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              • A very large woman walks into a bar and after an hour of trying to get a mans attention at the bar goes up and slaps him on the ass and says, " whats a girl gotta do to get your phone number?" The man spins around on his bar stool slowly looks her up and down and says "Got a pen?" She replies :"yes!" He says "Well you better get back in it before the farmer finds out your gone!"

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                • A priest walks into a hotel and starts to book a room he asks the clerk, "So I assume you have disabled porn channels in my room" The clerk looks at him and says " No you sick fuck we have all the regular ones!"

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                  • A few good ones (open the pic in a new tab and zoom in)

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                    • A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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                      • Originally posted by BellaLove View Post
                        Re: Jokes

                        An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
                        "I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
                        The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."
                        "That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
                        "Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
                        BellaLove. You don't need any jokes. I laugh every time your sig gets to the girl playing the accordion. :)
                        There's only one candy with the hole in the middle.

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                        • Why did the Banana go to the doctor?

                          He wasn't Peeling well

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